1981 – A second
grade Jeff slowly approaches the girl of his dreams on the school
playground. In his hand he holds a
homemade valentine card that he has spent all evening designing. Inside the cut out heart are the hand written
words, Will You Be Mine. Jenny B. stands alone by the slide, her
golden hair radiating in the sunlight.
Jeff senses the moment. He
approaches slowly and hands Jenny B. his heart.
Jenny looks around and yells, Cooties!
loud enough for the entire playground to hear. She runs away leaving Jeff alone with his
heart. Rejected!
1988 – It is the
last day of eighth grade. The class
organizes a boy - girl bike ride to the park after the final bell. Everyone is supposed to meet at the bike
racks. Jeff eagerly awaits. When the final bell rings Jeff yelps with
excitement, stuffs the remnants of his desk in his backpack and scampers to Rawhide, his trusty bike. At the bike racks he discovers that this boy
–girl bike ride is actually a boyfriend-girlfriend bike ride. Apparently there is a difference. He counts the boys, there are twelve. He counts the girls, there are eleven. He suddenly knows who the odd man out will
be. Rejected!
1989 – It is the
day of the big football pep rally. All members of the football team have been
instructed to bring their jersey to the event.
Jeff eagerly puts on his number 45 and proudly walks to the gym hoping
to be the one chosen to burst through the paper sign held by the cheerleaders and
lead the team onto the field in front of a roaring crowd. However, when he gets there he discovers that
none of his teammates are wearing their jerseys. Instead he finds them handing their uniforms
to cheerleaders who quickly slide their favorite player’s jersey over their
outfit. As the team bursts through the paper
sign and onto the field in front of the roaring crowd Jeff is the last in line
and the only player wearing his jersey.
Rejected!
1990 – Jeff’s
older brother, and chief basketball rival, has left for college. That leaves him to play one-on-one against
his younger sister. He hopes to earn a
starting spot on the varsity team this winter and is eager to polish his jump
shot. His sister reluctantly takes the
court. As she approaches, Jeff jabs left
, backsteps, then quickly spins right.
He sees an opening, takes two dribbles and goes hard to the basket. Out of nowhere his sister appears, arms
outreaching, pinning his layup against the gutter overhang of the garage. The ball rolls down the drive and out into
the street. He has been Rejected!
1998 – Jeff goes
to Best Buy to purchase his first cell phone.
He is sure this is the only reason he does not have a girlfriend. The throngs of women simply have no way to
reach him. He slowly looks over the
selection careful to ask questions about each.
He narrows down his choice and points to the perfect phone. The clerk smiles and tells him it was an
excellent decision. Jeff follows the
clerk to the front register dreaming of future dates. The cashier smiles as she rings up the
purchase. But she frowns as she slides
Jeff’s credit card through the machine.
She frowns deeper as she tries again.
And again. Jeff’s credit card has
been Rejected!
2006 – There is a
knock on the door. A month ago Jeff has
sent out his first manuscript to a literary agent. He has been eagerly awaiting a reply ever
since. He opens the door to find the
mailman holding the large manila self-addressed stamped envelope that Jeff had
sent out a month earlier. The mailman is
holding out his hand as the postage was short. Jeff owes twenty one cents. Jeff digs in his pocket and hands over the
coins. He tears open the envelope before
the mailman is even down the stoop.
Inside is a form letter of Rejection.
Jeff has just paid for his first Rejection!
2013 – Jeff receives
another Rejection letter from a literary agent!
His rejection streak is still intact!
He is sure he is officially the greatest Rejectee in history!
